Why Some Women Keep Their Surnames After Marriage

For many women, the question of whether to change their surname after marriage is more than just tradition it’s personal. In some families, keeping your maiden name can raise eyebrows. In others, it is expected that a wife adopts her husband’s name as a sign of unity or respect. But increasingly, women are making the choice to keep their names, and it is sparking honest conversations about identity, independence, and love.

A surname is not just a word. For many women, it is their history, their roots, and a reminder of who they were before marriage. Changing it can feel like erasing a part of yourself. And that is not a small thing.

Take Ifeoma, a 32-year-old teacher in Lagos. When she got engaged, her family expected her to take her husband’s surname. But for Ifeoma, it didn’t feel right. “My name is who I am,” she says. “It tells the story of my parents, my upbringing, everything that shaped me. I didn’t want to lose that.” Her fiancé understood completely. “He didn’t see it as a problem,” she adds. “He said he loved me for me, not for the name I carry.”

It is a story that resonates with many women today. Keeping a surname is often about more than personal preference. It’s about career and reputation. Many women have spent years building professional identities tied to their names. Changing it can feel like undoing that work. For lawyers, doctors, businesswomen, and creatives, a name is not just a name it is their brand.

But it’s also about independence. Choosing to keep a surname is a way of saying, “I am entering this marriage as myself, not as a version of someone else’s expectations.” It doesn’t mean the woman loves her spouse any less. In fact, it often reflects a healthy, confident approach to partnership: love does not require losing yourself.

Of course, it isn’t always easy. Older relatives, friends, or even strangers may view it as disrespectful or selfish. Questions like “Does she not respect her husband?” or “Does she want to belong?” can make the choice feel heavier than it is. But for many women, keeping their name is simply about staying true to who they are while entering a life with someone they love.

Some couples find creative solutions. They may hyphenate their names, combine them, or even create a new surname together. Others keep their birth names legally but use their spouse’s name socially. These approaches show that marriage doesn’t have to erase identity it can celebrate both partners equally.

Even practical reasons play a role. For women with careers, children, or legal documents tied to their birth name, keeping it can make life simpler. Changing passports, bank accounts, or certificates can be stressful and time-consuming. Retaining a surname can make transitions smoother and reduce confusion.

Ultimately, the choice to keep a surname is deeply personal. It challenges old ideas about marriage and reminds us that love isn’t about ownership or control it’s about respect and understanding. A woman who keeps her name is not rebelling; she is honoring herself and inviting her partner to honor her as well.

In the end, a name is just a word. But the respect, trust, and understanding that allow a woman to keep hers speak louder than any label ever could. Love is not defined by a surname, it is defined by the willingness to see and accept your partner fully, without asking them to erase who they are.