Six Steps To Resolve Arguments in Your Marriage, Family

It's evening in Lagos, the generator is on because light has gone again, the kids are bickering over the last piece of meat in the pot of stew, your husband just walked through the door looking worn out from the endless traffic and market hustle, and somehow a casual comment about money turns into sharp words and raised voices. Does that scene feel too familiar? In our homes whether you're in Surulere, Ikeja, Lekki, Ajah, or even back in the village these little sparks happen all the time.

A disagreement about school fees, unsolicited advice from in-laws, who handles the children's homework, or whose turn it is to sort the house help can quickly make the whole house feel tense.

The truth is, these moments don't mean your family is falling apart. They mean you're living real life with real pressures rising costs, long commutes, endless responsibilities and you're human. The beautiful part? As believers, God didn't leave us to figure it out alone. The Bible doesn't promise conflict-free homes; it gives us loving, practical ways to handle disagreements so we come out stronger, not more divided.

In this Year of Families and Social Development, let's turn our homes into places where arguments lead to deeper understanding instead of distance. Here are some simple, heartfelt steps that real Nigerian families are using every day rooted in faith and everyday respect.

1. Stop Before You Snap – Pray First The instant your chest tightens and words start bubbling up, just pause. Step into the bedroom, the kitchen, or even the balcony for one quiet minute and pray: “God, please calm my heart and help me speak with love.” James 1:5 promises that He gives wisdom freely to anyone who asks. That short prayer often changes everything. Many of us have learned the hard way: reacting in the heat of the moment makes things worse, but praying first brings peace before the words even come out.

2. Actually Listen – Like You Mean It We Nigerians can talk for Africa, but listening? That's the real game-changer. James 1:19 says be quick to listen, slow to speak. Put the phone down, look the person in the eye, and let them finish without jumping in. Then say back: “So you're saying the constant money stress is making you feel alone in this is that what you mean?” When someone feels truly heard, half the fight usually melts away. Listening is one of the biggest ways to show respect.

3. Talk It Out Face-to-Face, and Don't Sleep on It Angry Jesus kept it straightforward in Matthew 18:15 go straight to the person privately first. No dragging in your sister, best friend, or starting a family WhatsApp group chat. And Ephesians 4:26 warns not to let the sun go down while you're still angry. Start gently: “I felt hurt when this happened because it made me feel…” Keep the focus on how you feel, not on attacking who they are. In big extended families especially, this one habit prevents small issues from blowing up into full family drama.

4. Say the Truth, but Wrap It in Kindness Proverbs 15:1 is pure gold: “A gentle answer turns away wrath.” Instead of “You never help with anything!” try “I feel overwhelmed when I handle everything alone can we find a way to share more?” Be honest about what bothers you, but choose soft, kind words. Respect doesn't mean agreeing on everything—it means you still value the person even when you don't agree with what they did.

5. Choose Forgiveness – Even When It's Tough This is where faith does its deepest work. Colossians 3:13 says forgive as the Lord forgave you. Forgiveness isn't pretending the hurt didn't happen—it's deciding not to keep score or punish with silence and coldness. Pray for the strength to let it go. If the wound runs deep, talk to your pastor or a trusted Christian counselor. Your children are always watching—they learn how to forgive by watching how you do it.

6. End with Prayer and Reconnection After the conversation, if you can, hold hands and pray together: “Lord, thank You for this family. Heal what was broken and help us love better.” Then say something warm: “I love you, and I'm glad we're in this together.” A small hug, a smile, or even sharing a cup of tea can bring the warmth back fast.

Conflicts aren't the enemy unresolved bitterness is. When we handle them with faith and respect, our homes become places of real peace, even when everything outside feels chaotic.

What's one small thing that has helped your family calm down during a disagreement? Share in the comments we're all growing together, one honest conversation at a time.