Relationships

Handling Issues To Avoid Break Up During Courtship (Part 1)

Handling Issues To Avoid Break Up During Courtship (Part 1)

Bisi Oludare

Issues are meant to happen and they are part of life. Even among siblings, there is bound to be issued let alone someone that grew up in a different environment and has been used to a particular way of life and norm for more than a decade.

There is nothing wrong when there are issues but how they are eventually handled and what comes out of it will determine whether the relationship will lead to marriage or die prematurely at the courtship stage.

Here, we shall be looking at handling issues to avoid break up during courtship.

1. Personal Issues
This is one particular aspect where issues can come up. It ranges from foundational challenges to personal beliefs as a result of the environment. A lady or guy could grow up in an abusive home or a home where the father usually beats their mother or probably the father is the Alpha and the Omega and when he talks nobody dares talk. Such a person if a female could see all men as wicked and she doesn’t see you as different or the guy could be abusive too and see ladies as an object of abuse that should not be loved.

How To Handle This: Communication is key here. Don’t be ashamed to open up about your struggles, tell him/her how things have been with you and in oneness agree on how you can accommodate each other to help the person with the fear out of it

2. Career
This also could pose a serious threat to relationships. You must know what career your fiancé/fiancée wants to go for. Whether he/she wants to further his/her education, get certifications, would work for someone or have your own business. Many people see this as simple but I have seen people that parted because the lady would love to study up to Ph.D. level and the guy is not at home with it.

How To Handle This: in a situation where you have different views on career, put ego aside and look for what will eventually work for the good of your family in the future, then reach a common ground on that

3. Religious Belief
Out of many things that could lead to break-up in courtship, religious belief is one strong point. In a situation where they are not from the same denomination, this can even be worse as individual will want to place their denomination’s doctrinal values on the table and in most cases because they have been in this denomination for years and their belief system is wired to take everything as the final verdict, it could be difficult to change them. Be sure that you are ready to worship in your partner’s church after marriage.

How To Handle It: Don’t be rigid, be ready to bend for the relationship’s good and above all make the Bible your final authority and verdict

4. Outlook
This is subtle but dangerous. I heard a case of a lady who the guy met using make-up, earring and the likes but the guy was pretending to be okay with everything meanwhile he doesn’t really like it due to his upbringing. He jokes about it once in a while believing the lady will understand. They started planning for their marriage and after the introduction, he mentioned it bluntly because the lady used it for the introduction. It nearly broke the relationship if not for the intervention of a wise friend of the guy who helped in between and they were able to reach a common ground.

How To Handle It: Voice your belief out early, talk about it and conclude. Let everything be moderate

5. Finance
This is one of the silent killers of marriage. Money is good and lack of it could be unpleasant. The role money will play in your relationship depends solely on how you handle it. Agree whether you will have a joint account or separate and whether you will spend jointly of separately. Which project do you want to do as a family and how do you intend to achieve it. Once you have a project, it will help you plan your finance

How To Handle It: See money a tool you need to get some things done and not something that must control you

6. Culture and Tradition
These happen especially in the case where the intending couple is not from the same tribe. They don’t speak the same language; they have different norms, ways of life, tradition and varying culture. All these could pose a challenge to the success of the relationship but if it is well handled it can turn to a binding force in the relationship

How To Handle It: Communicate in love, see yourself as speaking the language of God and put your fiancé/fiancée in the know of what tradition is obtainable in your place so that he/she will not miss out on important things

 

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