HABITS OF HIGHLY SUCCESSFUL COUPLES
-By Bisi Adewale
Developing a better relationship or a blissful marriage becomes easier if we can develop what we refer to in the marriage counseling ministry as “Home Builder Habits” (HBH). The opposite of this is the “Home Killer Habits” (HKH). There is no neutral ground between these habits. You are either a ‘HBH’ or ‘HKH’ person. What makes marriage difficult is that most couples have HKH, although they have little knowledge that “HKH” exits. Unfortunately, very few couples have HBH, no wonder the number of divorcees are increasing every day.
Here, I want to open your eyes to HBH Habits.
- Build two-people’s-marriage: Make it your habit never to report your spouse to a third party. Learn to talk about your differences and settle them. Avoid reporting your spouse to your friends, families, parents, etc; it is a sign of immaturity. If you need help, get it from a professional counsellor. Your friends and family members should remain what they are; “third party”.
- Make your spouse Number one on your “to do list”: Indifference is one of the strongest killers of marriage and couples in bad marriages are fond of committing this great “crime”. Most do not think about their spouses and have no plan to be together.Lack of attention is very dangerous to the success of any marriage.Cherish the opportunity to be with your spouse. Be friends, be a companion and be fond of each other. The time you make available to be with your spouse will show how much you value him or her.
- Be a round table lover: Never be a battlefield person or a fighter, be a “round table” personality and a lover. Let all the “battles” be fought at the round table. Talk about it, and do not forget the first habit of using a love-checked tongue as you talk it out. You must be a crisis manager; reconcile and never retaliate. Be a peace maker, never a truce breaker, be a positive partner; learn to listen to your spouse with a positive mind.
- Donate Pleasure: Most people give only hurts to their spouses, but highly successful couples are pleasure to their spouses. Always ask yourself this question before you do anything “Is what I’m about to do or say going to cause my spouse pain or pleasure?” .If you are sure it will give pleasure, go ahead and do it. A successful marriage is simply a marriage where parties involved have mastered the art of giving pleasure to each other.
- Love-checked Tongue: Let love control your mouth; highly successful couples learnt how to say the “bitter truth” in a loving way without hurting their spouses. Do not just talk, talk with love. No matter how angry you are, never speak to hurt, never speak to pull down; let your tongue be a builder at home and never be a killer.
- Build a marriage of Honourables: Honour and respect your spouse; say it, show it, demonstrate it, and never embarrass or disgrace him or her whether he or she is present or not. Never make the great mistake of removing the veil of H and P (Honour and Respect) from your marriage.
- Pray Together: Make praying together your habit. Pray about everything together. Pray to God at times holding each other, pray for each other, pray with each other.
- Have a Joint Vision: Develop a joint vision for your marriage, your home, your children and your future. Write down the vision; nurture them to make them a success.
- Create Time to be in your Own World: Learn how to ‘escape’ from the children, job, or friends. Switch off the phones and television; be in your own world. Three is a crowd, two is a company. At this period, talk intimately, touch passionately, it is not a period for sex, it is meant to develop and sustain companionship and if sex happens, why not, go ahead. There is no crime committed.
- Celebrate Success: No matter how small it is, give glory to God. Make it your habit to share testimonies with each other; then celebrate it. You can give a long kiss, a warm embrace, dinner-out-, etc.
- Have pre-planned sex: Use the power of pre-planned sex, discuss about having sex at night, before leaving home in the morning. Make phone calls to remind each other through the day. Joke about it, tease each other about it, and it will amaze you what that will do to your sex life.
- Let Love be spontaneous: Give room for spontaneous sex; a “quickie” can be fun-filled. Do not be rigid about your sex life.
Pastor Bisi Adewale is a family and relationship expert; author of Secrets of an Irresistible Wife and more than 70 other books on marriage and family life. You can reach him on firstname.lastname@example.org, 08068312004, 08051512823, www.familybooster.com, facebook.com/Pastorbisiadewale.