Are you giving your relationship a chance to succeed? Here are 10 ways to evaluate
According to scholars of the human psyche, there is a view within human relationships called the Cognitive Theory of Depression, which explains some ways in which human happiness is affected from personal perceptions of self as well as others.
According to psychologist Rita Ryan of the University of Pennsylvania, who in a study of personality beliefs and disorders used the “Warpy Thoughts” scale, people with dysfunctional thoughts are more Prone to value common beliefs about insanity, such as people with borderline personality disorder.
What does all this mean? In simple language, it is as if people who have thoughts that do not help themselves (dysfunctional) such as being perfectionists, demanding too much of themselves or others, feel guilty or have unrealistic expectations in a relationship – as being abandoned – produce a fear that can make them act as if they have some kind of mental insanity – which certainly negatively affects their relationships.
One of the unrealistic and widely-nurtured expectations in most cultures, according to the authors, is that of “Happiness Forever.” This belief, although it has a good background – it is better to be optimistic than pessimistic upon entering into marriage, it may hinder a couple’s normal adjustment, and ultimately cause dissatisfaction and frustration leading to the end of the relationship.
Another common is that my partner should make me happy. What will never happen. We have to be happy and then share the happiness with our pair.
According to Rita Ryan, if you have an internal void such as lack of maternal love, you can start to demand that your partner fulfill this need, which is difficult and sometimes impossible for a partner, however good he may be.
Evaluate your degree of dysfunctionality
If you want a self-assessment, here are the 10 points on Parslow’s dysfunctional thinking scale, which you can answer on a scale of 1 to 5, where 1 means “totally disagree” and 5 “strongly agree”:
If other people criticize me, I’m not a worthy person.
The approval of other people is very important to me.
I can make everyone like me, I just have to try.
I find it impossible to go against the wishes of other people.
Unless I get a constant compliment, I feel I’m not worth it.
Life becomes unbearable if I am not loved by my family.
If I love someone who does not love me, the problem lies in me.
I can keep people from being upset if I think about what they want.
If I fight with my friends, it must be my fault.
If the people around me are upset, I tend to think it’s my fault.
Most people usually score between 2 and 3, getting the total around 20 points. Scores in the 30+ range show vulnerability or depression, or may be leaving a relationship. Happy people in your relationship usually have low scores.
In those that scored higher, ask yourself the reason for this score. Certainly you do not have the power, for example, to influence how people feel around you. Or that because of a criticism you have no value.
This kind of feeling has a profound impact on your love relationships and may be the cause of not finding the “right person.” In fact, we just have to be the right person.
Trying to see your relationships more realistically may be the first step. Stop blaming yourself for everything and learning to be yourself, regardless of your partner, and never basing your self-esteem according to the amount of love you receive, can mean the end of high expectations that hinder your personal and loving fulfillment.
Article by Akinbode Toluleke check up Twitter on taakinbode
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