BIRTHING THE RIGHT VISION FOR YOUR MARRIAGE
BIRTHING THE RIGHT VISION FOR YOUR MARRIAGE
(POWER OF VISION IN MARRIAGE)
– By Bisi Adewale
“Where there is no vision the people perish”. Proverbs 29:18.
Someone asked Helen Keller if there is anything worse than being blind and she replied “The most pathetic person in the world is someone who has sight but lacks a vision”.
Lack of vision is one of the hidden destroyers of any marriage. Usually, couples do not finger this as the reason for their turbulent marriage. Most couples are ignorant that if they don’t have anything to keep them busy, they will start to fight each other. It is a true fact that common projects, common goals, dreams and vision are ways to make the marriage a successful one but most couples are visionless. Somebody said, “If you don’t know where you are going, your journey is very far”. Your vision is your life; your vision is seeing your future through the eyes of faith in God. Vision makes the team WORK but without vision, there will be WAR in the team.
When there is no vision, marriage perishes. It stops growing, flourishing and deteriorates.. You need a sense of direction and destiny. You can, and will achieve more in your marriage and family if you have a vision and channel your strength and resources to achieve it.
THE FLAG MANAGER
A young man was employed as a manager of a farm after the two previous managers were fired for their inability to meet expected business target. When he resumed duty, he was intimated on the preceeding event and was threatened to be sacked if he didn’t meet the set target.
This young farm manager was put in charge of twenty labourers and his first assignment was to clear several acres of land for a new farm land using all the available resources within twenty days. The target seemed like a tall order but he went to work. He set a target of fifteen days by dividing the whole bush into fifteen segments. On the first day, he brought a long pole with a white flag on it and planted it at the spot he expected they would reach.
When the labourers arrived at the farm, the manager showed them the pole and told them that would be the new location for eating lunch. Surprisingly, all of them got to the pole before lunch. He did this everyday and they finished clearing the bush in thirteen days; two days less than his set target and seven clear days less than the management’s target. What was the secret of this young man? Vision. He gave them a vision of where they were going and showed them the reward awaiting them.
Vision is powerful. Every couple that wants to make a success of their marriage should nurture their vision. Vision will strengthen, energize your marriage and keep you together in thick and thin.
Couples fight each other because they don’t have something they are working for. If you are idle in a marriage; you will cuddle the Devil; he will surely give you something to do. Vision is the power of any worthwhile project or achievement. Vision is the pillar of marriage. You can’t travel for long in car of marriage with your windscreen covered without a crash. You must have a vision if you want to go far in building a better family life.
TYPES OF VISION IN MARRIAGE
These types of vision are essential to a better family life:
- Heavenly Vision. The first vision every couple must develop is the vision of heaven. You must be consumed about plans to make heaven and avoid everything and anything that may hinder you from getting there. Everything you do in that marriage must be to the glory of God, full of the fear of Almighty. If your focus is making heaven you will have no time to be at the throat of each other.
- Matrimonial Vision. You must also have the vision of what you want your marriage to be. Your marriage must stand for something. If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything. What vision do you have for your marriage? Write your vision, glaze it and place it in a conspicuous location.
A couple has what they call “OUR MARRIAGE DECLARATION” printed and framed beautifully in the house. This is their own declaration:
“Today is THE FIRST day of our life
We will live together in peace we are in this ship together; we will not allow it to sink.
Our marriage will be like a tree planted by the river side
It will bring out it’s fruit in season.
Our marriage will be a model for others; we will be a good example for our children and neighbours
Our marriage will bring joy to both of us and people around us
We will walk in unity and romance; we will walk hand-in-hand in life’s journey together
We will celebrate and be addicted to each other
In times of storms we will comfort each other
In time of challenges we will strengthen each other
In time of joy and victory we will dance together
Laughter will be our daily diet
We will bring out the beauty in each other
We will plant love and harvest joy
We will build our home on Biblical principles.
We will build our marriage on God and anchor our home on Christ Jesus. Amen!”
Name (Husband)……………………… Name (Wife)………………………
What is your vision and declaration? You can’t stand for long, if you are not standing on something.
- Progress Vision. You must both have the vision of what you want to do with your life. How far do you want to go together in comfort and when? How successful do you want to be in your life or career? How do you want to balance it without allowing it to affect your heavenly and matrimonial vision. This also involves your financial vision. Both of you must define your financial goal together and make a decision on how to acquire it legally without affecting your spiritual life, marriage, family and health.
- Parental Vision. You must strive to become a successful parent.
BENEFITS OF VISION IN MARRIAGE
These are some benefits and blessings that come from having a marriage vision and from setting goals.
- It enhances unity. It gives unity of purpose and a sense of direction. It is a basis for family oneness.
- It eliminates unnecessary arguments. Since both of you know where you are going, it becomes easier to discuss how to get there.
- It brings strength. Knowing where one is going brings strength that comes from focus.
- It offers a frame work for easy decision making.
- It fosters deep communication. A lot of couples live without effective communication because some claim they don’t know what to discuss.
- It leads to joint success. Joint vision encourages success and brings mutual joy to couples culminating in a better marriage.
- It is the mother of focus. Vision makes the couple focused and concentrates their wisdom, effort and resources in one direction.
- Brings closeness between couples. As the couples talks, pursue and work on their vision, the bond between them grows stronger.
- Leads to better marriage. Couples in visionary marriage have many things that bind them together thereby having better marriages than visionless couples.
WORK TO DO
- Step 1. Sit down with your spouse in a quiet place where your children cannot disturb you; off your phones and listen to each other. Talk with your spouse for at least two hours.
- Step 2. Have writing materials with you (Pen and jotters) and take individual notes as both of you talk.
- Step 3. Talk about your past, how you met, how far you’ve been together. This meeting is not meant for sorting out misunderstandings. It is a “vision-meeting”, so don’t blame, condemn, accuse or fight each other.
- Step 4. Talk about your present, your love life, sex life, marriage, spiritual life, children, career, etc (All discussions must be positive not an avenue to shift blame.
- Talk about the future. Your expectations, plans, aspirations, etc.
- Step 6. Be specific. Talk about:
- Heavenly vision. Develop a vision about your spiritual life and how to fulfill it.
- Matrimonial vision. Develop a vision about your marriage and agree on what you want it to be, what you want to see, etc
- Progress vision. Talk about your career, finances, projects and properties. What do you want? Where do you want to be? And when? Go ahead formulate a progress vision and issues on how to fulfill it.
- Parental Vision. What do you want your children to become? When and how do you want them to get there? Develop a parental vision (My books: PARENTING WITHOUT TEARS,PARENTING BOYS&GIRLS will be of help to you. Available on www.familybooster.com).
Write down your resolutions and keep on talking about them.
Your discussion continues as you must continue to review this vision and assess your results.
7. Step 6. Pray together about your visions. “And the Lord answer me, and said, write the vision and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak for it, because it will surely come; it will not tarry”. (Habakkuk 2:2-3).
Pastor Bisi Adewale is a family and relationship expert; author of Secrets of an Irresistible Wife and more than 70 other books on marriage and family life. You can reach him on firstname.lastname@example.org, 08068312004, 08051512823, www.familybooster.com, facebook.com/Pastorbisiadewale.