Having our parents, our aged parent around us is one of the best ways to show love to them. Getting them happy always can be a good solution to certain miseries they might suffer during old age.
Although it helps quite much if you have prepared yourself and thought through all the questions you need to consider before an aged parent visit you. Understanding their needs, your needs and preparing your family for the adjustments which everyone will need to make is immensely important in ensuring a smooth and harmonious transition.
Aged parents lifestyle can be different from ours, hence the need to ask yourself these honest questions.
- Will you meet all of their needs?
This could be a very dicey question to ask, as no one can actually satisfy any man’s need. Therefore in terms of time, money, energy and ability, will you and your family be able to meet the needs of your ageing parent not only today but over the rest of their lifetime and all through the period he or she will be staying with you?
If you are working full time or need to care and supervise for your young children, are there supplementary care services which can help you? Can you hire a domestic helper or arrange for part time house hold help to lighten the burden of caring for your home? Are a few hours at a senior care centre an option? Does your parent need a nurse?
There will also be financial concerns. Caring for an ageing parent can be a big financial commitment. Discuss this upfront with your siblings and your parents. See if they will be able to help you financially. Review your parent’s medical plans and decide on their care options with them.
- Can you get along with your aged parent without issues?
You may not need to ask yourself this question if you have a good working relationship with your parent. Normally when a new family member is added to the household, there is bound to be friction at times. But if you already have a positive relationship, it will be easier to get over this. Consider also the relationship which your spouse and children have with your parent, they too will need to get along with each other on a daily basis. Discuss the impact of your parent’s move with them, then get their responses.
- What Sort of Care Does Your Parent Need?
The first question you need to ask is what sort of care will your parent need? Are they moving in for companionship after a spouse has passed away? Are they physically unable to care for themselves or facing a degenerative brain disease such as Alzheimer’s?
You need to understand not only their needs now, but their needs in the next 5 to 10 years. If they have a progressive disease, what will it look like and what sort of care will they need?
- Is Your Home Elder-Friendly?
In Africa, some aged women may not prefer tiled floor. Therefore in this situation, you need to access your home and check if it is elderly-safe. Is the lighting adequate? Are there hand rails and grab bars in the bathrooms and along the stairs. Are you able to provide a separate room on the ground floor of your home for you parent in case they have mobility issues?
- Will Your Parent Have a Social Network?
Aged parent most of the time bond well with their social peers. Yes, they do have social network too. Whilst family is important, your parent is also an adult who has formed meaningful social networks over the years and has a clear sense of himself or herself as an individual. Will moving into your home mean that they will lose the friends and connections which they have made and which are meaningful to them?
It might not be an issue if your parents have always lived near you and will remain mobile. This is an issue if your parents have always lived in another country and moving in with you means relocating to Singapore. It is also an issue if they are no longer independently mobile and will have to depend on you to send them to their engagements and if you will not have the time to accompany them or make transport arrangements for them.
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