Maintenance sex is essentially “not really in the mood but let’s do it anyway,” sex. It may or may not be planned in advance.
Maintenance sex may not sound like the world’s most titillating, but it is important for your relationship’s health. When we say sex for maintenance, we just mean sex for you, even if you don’t want to do it. It means maintaining sex to ensure that both parties are sexually satisfied.
You may want to get on with your partner and just get your last obsession with Netflix. Sex sounds cumbersome and distasteful. Or maybe your partner always seems too tired or stressed when you really want to have sex. It is important to have sex even if you’re not necessarily randy in long-term relationships. The only kind of sex you have shouldn’t be maintenance sex, but it absolutely should be on the menu.
So, here are ways maintenance sex is good for your marriage.
- There will always be two different sex drives in a relationship
There will inevitably be times when one partner wants sex and the other partner doesn’t want to have sex. Two people rarely get sex drives matched. Sometimes, but expect your partner to always want the exact amount of sex because it’s not very handy.
This idea we’re fed that only if we’re “in the mood” should we have sex. That’s how sexless marriages are not accomplished. One partner doesn’t think he or she needs to be “in the mood,” and so the higher libido partner is disgraced to want to have sex. This makes one partner always feel hounded for sex and the other pathetic because he wants it—not a good relationship.
- You won’t regret having it
Maintenance sex is intended to maintain the content of both partners. You will not regret the extra effort to have sex when you have a long-term relationship or marriage. You will feel better afterward if your partner really wants you and you just go for it.
Of course, there is a problem if that’s the only way you have sex. It’s a special question and you must deal with it with your therapist or your health care provider if you feel sexually unsatisfied or if you experience an unusually protracted dip in the libido. Sex is as though you were going to the gym: before you would not do it, but when you suck it and hit the elliptical, afterward you feel incredible.
- You need to show up for your partner and vice versa
You must show up for your partner in a relationship. We think that if someone does not want to have sex, we should not have sex. That goes back to that “shame” thing. Sometimes you have to appear and be involved with your partner. If you need your partner to make you feel desired, he or she should be willing to do that for you. Sex is a key component of good relationships.
- It breeds intimacy
Sex breeds intimacy. Orgasms emit oxytocin, your body’s feel-good hormone. Sex helps you make your partner feel closer. You and your partner can experience the most intimate physical activity. Without it, your connection will be easy to lose sight of. Relationships and good sex life take on a continuous job. You have to check-in and take your relationship’s temperature regularly.
Having sex, feeling your partner on top of you, the scent of his or her skin brings you back into that loving mindset. Don’t skip it because you’re tired of work and want to watch TV. Maintenance sex reminds you both of what you mean to each other. Take always a chance to have sex and work sex into your schedule. The happier you are, the more you have it.